Saturday, October 1, 2016

Quote for the Day

October 2016

Another month and Christmas coming closer.  As the northern hemisphere experiences Autumn, we in the southern hemisphere enjoy the delights of Spring.


Each month Byter Brett R sends me a list of the special days for the coming month.

Just as Donald Trump said he was too much of a gentleman to mention certain things in the debate, with Huillary Clinton, which he then described as not having said, I will say that I am too much a gentleman to say that Brett heads his emails "That time of the month (again)." 

Brett's lists follwo, the daily ones being interactive, just click on.

Thanks Brett.

October, 2016 Bizarre and Unique Holidays

  • Adopt a Shelter Dog Month
  • American Pharmacist Month
  • Apple Jack Month
  • Awareness Month
  • Breast Cancer Awareness Month
  • Clergy Appreciation Month
  • Computer Learning Month
  • Cookie Month
  • Domestic Violence Awareness Month
  • Eat Country Ham Month
  • International Drum Month
  • Lupus Awareness Month
  • National Diabetes Month
  • National Pizza Month
  • National Vegetarian Month
  • National Popcorn Popping Month
  • Sarcastic Month
  • Seafood Month
Weekly Celebrations:
  • Week 1 Get Organized Week
  • Week 1 Customer Service Week
  • Week 2 Fire Prevention Week
  • Week 2 Pet Peeve Week
  • Week 3 Pastoral Care Week
October 2016 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days:
International Frugal Fun Day - first Saturday of the month
World Card Making Day - first Saturday of the month
Oktoberfest in Germany ends, date varies
National Kale Day - first Wednesday of October
World Smile Day first Friday of month
10 Columbus Day - second Monday of month
12 Emergency Nurses Day- second Wednesday of month
12 National Fossil Day - Wednesday of Earth Sciences Week
12 Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day -Second Wednesday of month
14 National Dessert Day - take an extra helping, or two
14 World Egg Day  - second Friday of month
15 Sweetest Day Third Saturday of month
20 Brandied Fruit Day    
21 National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day find a recipe, too.
22 Make a Difference Day-  fourth Saturday of the month, neighbors helping neighbors.
23  Mother-In-Law Day - fourth Sunday in October
27 National Tell a Story Day - in Scotland and the U.K.
28 Frankenstein Friday - last Friday in October
31 Carve a Pumpkin Day - no surprise here


Regular readers will be aware that I am a member of a weekly trivia team called Lazarus, although sometimes we change our name for that night for a bit of fun.  Recent examples: Ben Dover, Neil Down, Haywood Jablome, Far Kurnell (Kurnell is a suburb of Sydney), Far Queue and so on.

Trivia organiser and MC, Graham, aka Mr Trivia, also sends a monthly summary of events and his follows as well.

Thanks Mr T.


Friday, September 30, 2016

Quote for the Day

Funny Friday

A rushed Funny Friday in that the internet was down part of the time.  Enjoy the long weekend. . .  

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.

"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.

"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?"

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. "Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help so much when I'm out hunting! Oh, please, please, please let me have it!"

"Well, all right," says God. "Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve." God rummages about a bit more in the bag.

"Ah, right. Multiple orgasms."

An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea." 

Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says. 

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out. The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Bunnings." 


I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in Whangarei and my brother-in-law is living in Melbourne. My father and mother have been busted for drug running and they depend on my two sisters, who are prostitutes, for a living.

My only brother is serving a life sentence in jail on conviction of rape and murder, and my uncle is a High Court Judge who takes bribes. My other uncle is on trial for lighting fires in a National Park which burnt down 93 houses.

I am in love with a Thai prostitute who solicits around the Auckland wharves. She says she loves me, but she knows nothing about my family background. We intend to marry as soon as her illnesses clear up. Me being white does not bother her at all. When I get out of the Navy we will open a brothel in Hamilton and my two sisters will work there to keep the business in the family.

My problem is that I want to marry this girl and have an entirely open and honest relationship with her. The burning question is whether I should tell her that I have a brother-in-law who lives in Melbourne?

An oldie and worth a repeat. . .

This chap goes to the doctor saying that he gets blinding headaches. After a series of tests the doctor tells him that the good news is that he had found the cause but the bad news was that the headaches were being caused by an upward pressure of the testicles upon the base of the spine. The only cure would be an orchidectomy. The chap thought that one over for weeks but in the end the headaches were so severe that he decided to go ahead and have his testicles removed.

After the operation he was feeling so good that he decided to go down the street and get a new suit. In the menswear store he found a salesman who looked him up and down and said 'I guess you would be a 42 inch chest 38 inch waist and 40 inch hip'. 'My God' said the chap, 'how did you guess that?' 'I don't guess, I know. That's my job,' said the salesman.

When the chap was fitted out the salesman asked him if he would like a shirt because he had one in stock with a 42-inch chest and 24 inch arm. 'That's my exact measure' said the chap with astonishment. 'That's right mate. It's my job to know that,' said the salesman and handed him the shirt. 'Now what about a hat' said the salesman. 'OK' said the chap, sensing a challenge 'I bet you can't guess that one'. 'You'd be a five and seven eighths' said the salesman 'I know that, it's my job'.

Finally the salesman enquired whether some underpants were desired. 'OK' said the chap 'but let me get in first this time. I'm a size 34 in underpants'. 'No you’re not,' said the salesman 'You’re a size 36'. 'I've got you this time,' said the chap 'because I always wear a 34'. 'You're totally incorrect Sir, I know my job' said the salesman. 'You're a size 36, and I can tell you now that if you go on wearing a 34 you'll get blinding headaches from the upward pressure of the testicles on the base of the spine.'


Corn Corner:

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Quote for the Day

Martin, Cats and More Cats

I posted an item a few days ago about Mrs Chippy, the cat that accompanied the Shackleton Arctic expedition and came to a sticky end when the expedition ship was caught in the ice. Mrs Chippy didn't have 9 lives after all. Anyway, it inspired Martin S, who regularly corrects items posted, to send me an email about some other notable cats. Thanks Martin.

Here is Martin's contribution:


I am pleased that you had an article on Mrs Chippy, one of the most undated, and fearless master of us humans, the not so humble Cat. Too often overlooked to other imposters, such as the horse dog or ……the Pigeon!


We should be reminded of Australia’s own naval contribution of Felis Catus, being, of course, Trim.
Trim proudly in front of the NSW State Library.

Trim undertook the first circumnavigation of Australia, assisted by Matthew Flinders, and was later interned in Mauritius on his return trip to England. Trim suffered a fate far worse than Mrs Chippy. Eaten by those horrible French Savages, who obviously had run out of frogs, snails or horses for their consumption.

I believe Bryce Courtenay wrote a book about him.


Perhaps for a war hero, we should look no further than Simon.

Simon escaped on board the HMS Amethyst, when in Hong Kong docks in 1948, no doubt saving him from a fate that befell our beloved Trim.

The Amethyst was caught up in the Yangtze Incident in 1949 during the Chinese Civil war. Shots were fired, Simon was injured, and some sailors died.

Simon, sporting one of his war service medals

Simon's role on the Amethyst was one of keeping up morale, preventing plague by personally disposing of vermin, and inspecting the operations of the ship.

Simon never fully recovered from wounds received in action, and was awarded the Dickin Medal posthumously (for us humans, the equivalent of a VC).

Recognition of military exploits are surrounded by controversy. Between 1943 and 1949, the Dickin had been awarded to 32 pigeons, 18 dogs, 3 horses, and Simon. A bloody disgrace, and no wonder our feline masters take pleasure in dispatching those, as Woody Allen puts it, “Rats with Wings”. 

It should be noted that the entire crew of the Amethyst attended Simon’s funeral.

Simon’s life was put to film in 1957 in the “Yangtse Incident”, and no, it does not feature Chairman Meow.

On a further nautical note:

Polydactyl Cats and Ernest Hemingway

Ernest Hemingway was the pet of a great number of moggies. 

He amused them by telling them a story of catching a big fish!

One of his favourite owners was a polydactyl cat (many toes) that had previously spent a considerable time at sea.

This genetically inherited trait is considered advantageous to a sea going puss, as it greatly aids the hunting and climbing on a ship.

Yep. More thumbs than a Koala

Hemingway bequeathed his house to his polydact owner, and it remains in the many toed family to this day.

Hemingway stated:

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”