Friday, August 22, 2014

Funny Friday

The first item today, setting a computer password, comes from Vince and will no doubt strike a chord with many readers.  There are a few visual items to go with it.  The rest is a bag of humour allsorts . . . enjoy!

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WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.


WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

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An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress.

She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her. He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."

Try further down," she said.

At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room, which made him feel most uncomfortable.

He whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect ass."

"Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the damn necklace."

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Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond, The dog came back and barks twice, Chester says. "Well I'm not going to go out. He saw only two ducks out there."

Earl says, "Your going to take the dogs bark for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he said, "I don't believe it!. Where did you get that dog.? There are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says. "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges, and Earl brings the dog home, and tells it to go out and look for ducks.

Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in his mouth and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, This dog is a fraud and I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in his mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl . . . he was trying to tell you that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

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Corn Corner:

Feeling horrible, an alligator goes to the veterinarian.

"What seems to be the problem?" the vet asks.

"I just don't have the drive I used to, Doc, " the gator says. "Used to be, I could swim underwater for miles and catch any animal I wanted. Now all I can do is let them swim by."

Concerned, the vet gives him a through examination and hands him a few pills.

"What are these?" the gator asks.

"It's a pill very similar to Viagra," the vet answers.

"Hold on, I don't have that kind of problem." The alligator protests. "What exactly is wrong with me?"

"Well," the vet says, "you have a reptile dysfunction.

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Chronicles of Nadia

a historical account of events arranged in order of time usually without analysis or interpretation (Merriam Webster Online Dictionary)

Some historic photos sent by Byter Nadia . . . thanks Nadia.

Before clocks became popular, Mary Smith made a living waking workers by blowing peas against their windows

Old municipal library in Cincinnati (Ohio) before its demolition in 1955

Traffic jam in Berlin, Germany, on the first Saturday after the fall of the Wall

Charlie Chaplin and a crowd of supporters in New York City, 1918.

Bar clients celebrating the end of Prohibition in December 1933.

Construction of a Zeppelin in 1923.
(Note the chaps at the tops of the ladders).

Dirigible over the Capital dome in Washington, DC.

Dresden, after the 1945 Allied Forces bombing.

A Russian physician in an Antarctic Expedition, removing his own appendix in 1961

The first winner of the Tour de France in 1903.

Propelors of the Titanic in 1911

Playing golf high up on the Empire State Building in New York City during its 1932 construction.

Eruption of Mount Vesuvius in Naples, Italy, 1944.

New York City’s Grand Central Station in 1929. Currently, skyscrapers around the site prevent this illuminating view

Niagara Falls (Ontario/New York), frozen in 1911.

Marilyn Monroe entertains American soldiers during the war in Korea, 1954

Bytes Bonus:
Not one of Nadia's but here is a colour, front view pic of Marilyn Monroe entertaining US troops in Korea:

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Trivia Tuesday

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The award of a blue ribbon for first place dates back to the 1500’s when the knights who were part of France’s Order of the Holy Spirit, founded in 1587, wore a cross on a blue ribbon around their necks. The blue ribbon was known as Le Cordon Bleu - the blue ribbon - the phrase becoming extended over time to other high class distinctions including cordon bleu cooking. Passenger liners racing across the Atlantic in 1830 were awarded a notonal trophy, the Blue Riband, although it was not until 1935 that the trophy came into existence in physical form. Winners from then on could fly a blue pennant. The award today, for first prize, a blue ribbon, reflects the blue riband origin.

Knights of the Order of the Holy Spirit wearing their crosses on blue ribands.

The Cross of the Holy Spirit: 
A Maltese Cross with eight points that are rounded, and between each pair of arms there is a fleur-de-lis. Imposed on the centre of the cross is a dove. The eight rounded corners represent the Beatitudes, the four fleur-de-lis represent the Gsopels, the twelve petals represent the Apostles, and the dove signifies the Holy Spirit

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The red and white colours of barber poles harks back to medieval times when barbers didn’t just cut hair, they also carried out bloodletting (believed to be thereapeutic), tooth extractions and minor surgery. 

After a bloodletting procedure, the barbers washed the bandages which were hung outside on a pole to dry. This also acted as signage for the barber shop. Flapping in the wind, the long strips of bandages would twist around the pole in the spiral pattern we now associate with barbers. 

This early barber pole was simply a wooden post topped by a brass leech basin, with a basin that received blood at the base . The pole represented the staff that the patient gripped during bloodletting procedures. Later the basin was replaced by a ball and painted poles of red and white spirals took the place of the pole with the bloodstained bandages.

After the formation of the United Barber Surgeon’s Company in England, barbers were required to display blue and white poles, and surgeons, red ones. In America, however, many of the barber poles were painted red, white and blue, probably as a patriotic gesture.

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The earliest known reference to walking a red carpet in literature is in the play Agamemnon by Aeschylus, written in 458 BC. When the title character returns from Troy, he is greeted by his vengeful wife Clytemnestra who offers him a red path to walk upon:

"Now my beloved, step down from your chariot, and let not your foot, my lord, touch the Earth. Servants, let there be spread before the house he never expected to see, where Justice leads him in, a crimson path."

Agamemnon, knowing that only gods walk on such luxury, responds with trepidation:

"I am a mortal, a man; I cannot trample upon these tinted splendors without fear thrown in my path."

Oriental carpets in Renaissance painting often show rugs and carpets, patterned but with red often the main background colour, laid on the steps to a throne, or on a dais where rulers or sacred figures are placed.

A red carpet was rolled out to a river to welcome the arrival of United States president James Monroe in 1821. In 1902, The New York Central Railroad used plush crimson carpets to direct people as they boarded their 20th Century Limited passenger train. This is believed to be the origin of the phrase "red-carpet treatment". Red carpets are now a common feature at film awards ceremonies and premieres.

Workers furiously seek to get the red carpet dry in time for the 2014 Oscars ceremony.

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Monday, August 18, 2014

Monday Miscellany: A collection of odds, ends and personals

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Mike S has posted a comment on the open carry post advising that my map is wrong insofar as Arkansas has been an open and concealed carry state since last year.

Thanks Mike.

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From Byter Tim B concerning the post about about coffee:

Greetings Otto, 
I enjoyed the Byte concerning coffee and it reminded me of a coffee event early in my career. I had just checked out as a new captain on an MD-88 aircraft for Delta Air Lines. I was happy to finally, after 13 years as a co-pilot, be the captain in charge of the aircraft and crew. I was also very apprehensive. During my first month as captain my co-pilot was Pat Hill, a no nonsense former Marine. The head flight attendant was a beautiful Afro-American gal who came up to the cockpit and asked if we would like something to drink. I answered coffee as did Pat. She asked how did we want it and I responded, one cream, one sugar. Pat responded, I like my coffee like I like my women......well, the flight attendant’s eye grew wide, I thought, damn, my first month flying as captain and now I’m headed to the chief pilot’s office, when Pat said....bitter. We all laughed but for a few nano seconds I saw my captainship flying out the window. 
Keep up the good work, I sure enjoy my Bytes, 

Thanks, Tim.

The only bit of humour of which I am aware along the lines described by Tim is a joke that is not, in my view, politically incorrect. Maybe there is a non PC version out there as well.  The joke holds that a Texan goes into a snooty restaurant in London and asks an aloof waiter for a coffee. “How would you like that, sir?” the waiter asks. “Like I like my women,” says the Texan, “hot and strong.” Yes sir,” says the waiter, “Is that black or white?”

(A similar joke is that the Texan asks the English waiter for a steak and to make it rare. The waiter asks “How rare would you like it, sir?” Replies the Texan “Just rip its horns off and wipe its ass.”

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From Byter David B in Deryshire, England, in response to the post about Ruth Ellis, the last woman hanged in England:

Apropos your recent Byte on the hanging of Ruth Ellis. Thursday this week marks fifty years since the last judicial hanging in the UK. Twenty-four-year-old Gwynne Owen Evans and 21-year-old father-of-two Peter Anthony Allen killed John West in a botched robbery, an offence carried a mandatory death penalty

That's them below.

Thanks, David.

The article is worth reading.

These are the final paragraphs of the above article:

The execution of Evans and Peter Allen merited barely a paragraph in the next morning’s national papers. But two months later a Labour ­government came to office led by Harold Wilson. His home secretary was Roy Jenkins, who would make his name with a series of landmark liberal reforms. A broad coalition of politicians, academics, criminologists and even policemen now agreed that capital punishment had failed to deter murderers. Just over a year later a Private Member’s Bill suspended hanging for murder for a period of five years. In 1969 judicial hanging was formally abolished. 
That meant all prisoners who had been sentenced to death were automatically reprieved. It also gave Gwynne Evans and Peter Allen their unsought and dubious place in the nation’s history books.

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

National Geographic Photo Competition; 2014 Winners

Anyone who has ever read or browsed a National Geographic magazine will have been impressed by the photographers and the quality of their photographs, Robert Kincaid and his series of photographs of the Madison County bridges being just one example.

For 26 years NG has hosted a photographic competition – the National Geographic Traveler Photographic Competition – which grants prizes for the best photographs in the categories of Travel Portraits, Outdoor Scenes, Sense of Place and Spontaneous Moments.

Here are some of the winners, the photographer’s comments and the judges’ comments, from the NG website at:

  Outdoor Scenes  

First Place, Outdoor Scenes
'The Independence Day'
Photo and caption by Marko Korošec

While on storm chasing expeditions in Tornado Alley in the U.S. I have encountered many photogenic supercell storms. This photograph was taken while we were approaching a storm near Julesburg, Colorado, on May 28, 2013. The storm was tornado warned for more than one hour, but it stayed an LP [low precipitation] storm through all its cycles and never produced a tornado, just occasional brief funnels, large hail, and some rain.

National Geographic Traveler Director of Photography Dan Westergren, one of this year's judges, shares his thoughts on the first-place winner:

"This winning photo of a supercell over the plains of eastern Colorado stopped the judges in our tracks. When we first saw the picture we guessed that the photographer probably had dedicated quite a bit of time chasing storms to capture such an amazing sight. But what makes the picture particularly strong is that except for the cloud, the rest of the scene is quite ordinary. The crazy UFO-looking shape gives the impression that it's going to suck up the landscape like a tablecloth into a vacuum cleaner. The unresolved tension in the image makes me want to look at it over and over."

Third Place, Outdoor Scenes
‘Diver in Magic Kingdom’
Photo and caption by Marc Henauer

Green Lake (Grüner See) is located in Tragöss Austria. In spring snowmelt raises the lake level about 10 meters. This phenomenon, which lasts only a few weeks, covers hiking trails, meadows, and trees. The result is a magical diving landscape.

National Geographic Traveler Director of Photography Dan Westergren, one of this year's judges, shares his thoughts on the third-place winner:

"This shot at first seems like just another diver swimming by underwater. But after viewing it for a few seconds the truth begins to sink in. That is not an aquatic plant! How is it possible for a tree to grow leaves underwater? And that looks like a trail—what creature could create a hiking trail at the bottom of a lake? When we chose this picture we didn't know the particulars of why a view like this exists, but we really wanted to reward the photographer for bringing it to our attention."

Merit Prize, Outdoor Scenes
‘Foggy, Small Town’
Photo and caption by Duowen Chen

This photo was captured at noon on December 25, 2013, from the castle which is located on the edge of the small town and is the perfect viewpoint for the panorama of the almost intact historical town. The fog and mist suffused and gave the town a sense of mystery.

  Spontaneous Moments  

2nd place, Spontaneous Moments
‘Mea Shearim, Jerusalem, Israel’
Photo and caption by Agnieszka Traczewska

Mea Shearim, the ultra-Orthodox district of Jerusalem. Newly married couple Aaron and Rivkeh will be alone together for the first time after their wedding ceremony. Their marriage was arranged by their families. The 18-year-olds met once to confirm the choice; since then they have been prohibited to meet or even talk.

National Geographic Traveler Director of Photography Dan Westergren, one of this year's judges, shares his thoughts on the second-place winner:

"Photography is a powerful tool for showing the ways that people around the world are clearly different but in many ways the same. The Orthodox fur hat and wedding dress are clues that this picture was taken in a very distinctive place. But the smile and laughter of the bride and groom indicate that these are teenagers reacting to a new situation. 

"When I look at the image I can't help but think about the nature of love and marriage around the world. Here is a scene that in many parts of the world could be a young couple on their first date. Because of the clothes they are wearing I know that this is not a lighthearted encounter but the beginning of a lifelong commitment. Any photograph that can make me think that much deserves to be a winner."

Merit Prize, Spontaneous Moments
‘End of the World’
Photo and caption by Sean Hacker Teper

This photo, taken at the 'end of the world' swing in Banos, Ecuador, captures a man on the swing overlooking an erupting Mt. Tungurahua. The eruption took place on February 1st, 2014. Minutes after the photo was taken, we had to evacuate the area because of an incoming ash cloud.

Merit Prize, Spontaneous Moments
‘Ladies in Waiting’
Photo and caption by Susie Stern

While exploring Burough Market in London, I was delighted to come across four lovely young women dressed in vintage white dresses, eating ice cream as the local shopkeeper looked on. Are they brides? Or bridesmaids. I don't know, but they are obviously enjoying a very special day.

  Sense of Place  

Merit Award, Sense of Place
‘Light Source’
Photo and caption by Marcelo Castro

A young monk finds a perfect light source to read his book inside of his pagoda in Old Bagan, Burma.

Merit Award, Sense of Place
‘A Well Earned Rest in the Sahara’
Photo and caption by Evan Cole

This photo of Moussa Macher, our Tuareg guide, was taken at the summit of Tin-Merzouga, the largest dune (or erg) in the Tadrat region of the Sahara 

The Tadrat is part of the Tassili N'Ajjer National Park World Heritage area, famous for its red sand and engravings and rock paintings of cattle, elephants, giraffes, and rhinos that lived there when the climate was milder.

  Travel Portraits  

Merit Prize, Travel Portraits
‘’Divine Makeover’
Photo and caption by Mahesh Balasubramanian

Taken during the Mayana Soora Thiruvizha festival, which takes place every March in the small village of Kaveripattinam the day after Maha Shivarathiri (the great night of Shiva). The festival is devoted to Angalamman, a fierce guardian deity worshipped widely in Southern India.

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